30 things I learned by my 30th birthday

For a good chunk of my twenties, I felt out of touch with myself.

If someone asked me what I wanted to do, I saw it as a frustrating game of trying to guess what they wanted. If someone asked me how I felt, I often wouldn’t be able to answer.

I just didn’t know, and I didn’t think it was important.

My life revolved around people-pleasing and achieving at work. I wanted to be perfect and successful and to give people what they wanted so they’d like me.

That made discovering who *I* was and what *I* actually cared about very low on my list of priorities.

It took a lot of work to, first, even realize there was something wrong with that, and second, to begin to change it.

This is the first year that I’ve felt like I could step into everything I’ve been practicing and actually feel at home in myself.

So I wanted to share some of the things I learned along the way.

Thirty things I learned by my 30th birthday 🎂

1. Perfectionism feeds itself by focusing your energy on the wrong things. When what you’re trying for fails, perfectionism will say, “It’s because it wasn’t perfect.” You will double down on perfectionism. Let it go instead.
2. Just because you’ve done it a thousand times doesn’t mean you have to do it 1001.
3. Things can change just by keeping your attention on them.
4. It’s okay to make the wrong choice.
5. It’s okay to change your mind.
6. It’s okay not to know, and to do it so you can find out.
7. It’s okay to let people down.
8. It is possible to love someone too much.
9. Just because you see a problem doesn’t mean it is your responsibility to fix it.
10. Allow people to give to you with as much pleasure as you give to them.
11. Tell people what you’re working on.
12. The time you spend on something is what makes it valuable. Relationships, work, ideas. Everything.
13. There is always a cost of admission. Don’t waste time trying to avoid it.
14. Sometimes just listening to people is better than giving them advice.
15. Ask clearly for what you want.
16. Being consistent will get you further than being perfect.
17. Just because something is good does not mean it is good for you.
18. Just because someone is good does not mean they are good for you.
19. “Because I want to” is an excellent reason all on its own. So is, “Because I don’t.”
20. You can mourn things even though they don’t make sense.
21. Give the things you want to receive. Give the love, give the attention, give the trust.
22. It doesn’t have to be hard.
23. Your body speaks to you in a different language than your mind. Pay attention to it.
24. Be generous wherever you can.
25. You can discover different parts of yourself in the people you meet.
26. Practice trusting yourself.
27. You’re not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
28. You can’t solve a conflict without addressing the emotions involved — including yours.
29. What you look for is what you’ll see.
30. Perfection is boring. You’re most interesting when you’re you.

Is there something on this that list feels relevant to what you’re thinking about this year? 🎈

Warmly yours on my 30th birthday,

Nina