2019: A Year in Review
It’s been a year of a lot of changes.
The end of a relationship that lasted almost 3 years, when I thought it would last forever.
Shutting down my first company.
Quitting acting.
Parting ways with my best friend.
Moving back in with my parents for the first time in 5 years.
Becoming co-founders with a woman who would go on to become my closest friend.
Getting into Techstars Montreal with our new company.
Presenting on stage in front of 900 people (watch our pitch!).
Coming back to Toronto, knowing I’m not staying.
The highlights of what I’ve been thinking about in 2019.
Saying No
I used to do a lot of things out of a sense of obligation, wanting to make other people happy, or not wanting to feel like a bad person. I’d agree to something I didn’t want to and resent the person and the situation for putting me in that position. Now, I feel comfortable just saying no. It’s a change that’s dramatically improved my personal happiness and my relationships with people.
Being Direct
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” — Brené Brown
My friends have been helping me practice being more direct. I struggled with it because I thought it was nicer to approach an issue delicately and indirectly. This quote helped me change my view of what it means to be direct, and that it’s much kinder than talking around an issue. It’s something I’ve made a lot of progress in over the past year, and am making an effort to keep practicing.
Being Single
I’ve always been someone who’s happier in a relationship than alone. I’ve found life to feel more fulfilling when I have a partner to share it with. I loved having someone to come home to every day.
Now, I’m grateful for the time I spend alone. It’s felt like freedom. Like choosing to fall in love with yourself, and finding all the wonderful ways to be alone with who you are.
Self-Acceptance > Self-Improvement
Self-improvement has been a driving force in my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve always looked for better ways to think, do, be, and feel. It made me work incredibly hard at everything, certain that if I did just a little bit more, I’d hit a baseline I could live with.
The Catch-22? I didn’t care about any of the improvements I made, because every rung I climbed on the ladder showed me how many steps I still hadn’t achieved. It left me anxious, seeking outside approval and validation, and feeling constantly inadequate.
A great therapist (and weed) gave me the freedom to imagine that, maybe, it was okay that I had flaws. That I didn’t need to be perfect in order to be a valid person. I found that letting myself be, exactly as I was, is what gave me the room to grow in ways I hadn’t been able to before.
Excited to keep building in 2020.
